Monday, March 30, 2009
I cursed silently as i walked, or should i say drag myself to school this morning. The teachers in JVS must have no eyes or ears to see or hear, for I am dragging a supposedly exceeded 3kg bag to the tremendously far (to me now) building. Luckily by the end of the ordeal i survived to the door(blessfully, it was open...) or else my collarbones will bend under pressure... =.=lll but i have to say thks a lot to those people who opened the door before my arrival (i know i sound like i'm travelling...), its hard work trying to wake up in the morning. Another thing when you have to lug one huge load of mass to the distance-challenged school. I think i did not eat breakfast or what, cos i started to become dizzy at the start of the day. Its not a good sign, for i have a bio practical later, and i don't hope to have diastase all over my lab table. And the expression on Ms Ooi's face later is NOT going to be funny unlike what others with Samuel's personality thinks. Its not helping when i keep stealing glances at him either. My heart aches the whole time. Bio practical. Whoa awesome, "yippee". I did not mess up, even with the dizziness and cloudy lens of the stupid googles i HAVE to put on. I spilled a bit of boiled diastase halfway (through my test-tube), but i wiped it away before Ms Ooi's eagle eyes caught the puddle. I read Midnight Sun online while Mr Kwang tries to ask us to complete one paper on some boring Northern Ireland conflict paper. I am really really excited about this new book cos its Edward we're reading on. Not the human Bella's version of Twilight. Then Mother Tongue. Mdm Zhou did not come today, but I don't want to catch a cold after a direct freezing from the air-con in the computer lab so i sat at the back corner of the classroom, cooling down. Xinni thought i was crazy to feel cold after the air-con. She don't know. I talked to her through out the whole lesson, eyeing him sometimes across the room. Though we are not a pair, it bothered me somehow that he was flirting with the girls from my class and his own. If i have a bit more courage and wild cells, i would have said, "Playboy" in his face. But i can't bear to do it. For i know him(or i think i do). Xinni could sense my pain and silence while she was talking to me(i didn't make much conversation. I was staring at him), so she kept quiet. She never liked a boy before, so i couldn't tell how much ache my heart goes through when i see him that happy. That day on Valentine make my heart's pain stronger. But i didn't cry. Cos i want to be strong on myself. I didn't write this to "complain" my day to the "world wide web". I wrote it because i need a medium more relieving than paper to jot my thoughts down. Then, my class seating plan changes. Me and Vanessa remained situated at the original position. The only human factors that will affect me is (1)Willy and Jason is situated nearer to our place. Wow things are getting even livelier than i thought. (2) Uzair is at the back of the class. I guess where he is situated doesn't affect his voice volume in the whole room. (3) Gabriel is now sitting at the back of my class. Where has the days of joking and hole-punching papers gone??? I cannot stay in the canteen after i see him in that place. Xinni tells me he flirts too in DnT. I tried not to get that in my head. But i just thought, if he knew that his effects on me is so drastic, what would he do? Its a question i know the answer to.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I am often going through the same life cycle everyday. Its really eating me mentally out. I am also losing faith in Father, for life just goes on and on like a bicycle wheel and its not like I will go into some adventure like Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, so life just goes on, and soon I was dragged behind, trying to catch up with my own life. But I found "I" drifting away, my once powerful mental control over my conscious slowly slipped away. I started to have my old habits back, like addicting to my handphone games, when i do that lesser than the number of James Bond movies in the past. But since then, my life account was a total bore. Except if you find reading chinese books for a change from english books is very exciting, yeah, it could be counted as excitment, if no, then you should probably think of a blank background. For thats how exciting my life is now to me. I felt very sorry towards Father, for I did not do His Will, and I still dare to claim myself as His child. Yes, I knew I sinned, but I still wanted to repent. I hope that life in times of despair would brighten up under His guidance, for He is the Light in the Darkness, the Path that leads the lost.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I met this Man in September last year. He was a Man beyond description, and he wants to love the world. He told me a lot of it before that. He told me that he was born in a manger, and that His Mother was a virgin, but with His Father's spirit. He then told me, with a pained voice, that His Father was very miserable when Lucifer decided to betray Him. And now Lucifer also decided to destroy His Father's Son, which is Him. I was listening in silence, for i do not know what to say. Then the Man continued to tell His story to me. He told me that He was growing up in Nazareth, though He was borned in Bethehelm, the time when the Star rose out to lighten the skies. In Nazareth, He said that there were some of children that treated Him like a freak that seems to "know everything" and did not want to get near Him. But there were also children that liked to be with Him and kept playing games to accompany Him, so He was happy. Then as He grew up, He told me that He worked as a carpenter at first. His mortal father Joseph died later, after teaching Him the skills needed as a carpenter. He was very sad, for He loved Joseph alot, even if Joseph was not His actual Father. After a while, He said, He went to visit John, His cousin, whom He heard has been baptizing people of all races and nationalities. He was very excited and happy, for His cousin had been living in deserts ever since, till then did He knew of John's work. As He came near John, He heard someone asked John, "Are you the Messiah?" *(Messiah means 'Christ'). The Man felt something rousing within Himself when He heard Messiah, but He listened for John's response. John declined the title, saying, "I am not the Messiah. I am the "voice in the desert, calling for people's repentance, for the Day is near,"John continued."Yet there is someone here whose sandals I am not worthy to untie, whose body i am not worthy to baptize." That time, He told me, He stepped out to ask John to baptise Him. To His very surprise, John refused with awe and said,"No! I must ask You to baptise me!" By this very sentence everyone were looking at Him in wonder. But He said firmly, "No, I want you to baptise me, to fulfill what it says in the Scripture." Therefore, John baptized Him. And then He got more excited at this part, for He tell me, that He was filled with His Father's Spirit and was like never before! The skies opened up, and His Father could be heard claiming, "This is the Son i loved." The Man then told me that He went to a desert far away from John and the rest to escape the crowds. At this point of the story, I could feel His anger at Lucifer, for in the desert Lucifer came in the form of Satan, the serpent. Satan tempted Him to show to the world now that He was The Messiah that Israel had waited for so long ever since David. The Man then told Him back severely that He wouldn't want a crowd of people who would faked to believed or a kingdom that was not His. After the encounter, the Man told me that He had made up His mind after that to change the world like how His Father intended Him to. I was full of admiration, for He was very intend on doing His Father's Will. Then the Man looked at me with love in His eyes and said,"Dear child, I'll never leave you, nor will I forsake you, for I loved you and will be with you, even to the end of the age. I broke down that time, asking Him for forgiveness of my previous sins against Him and cried even more when He said He'll forgive me, gently. As I looked at this Man of God whom now looked at me lovingly and forgave my mistakes ever so mercifully, I thanked His Father for sending Him down. For wanting our love back, He'll preach and preach the Word of Love over and over to everyone who would listen, He'll endure nobody mocking His Father's Temple, He'll dare to touch the sick and diseased to heal them, He would let Judas betray Him to the High Priest in Jerusalem, He'll gladly be persecuted for the sake of His Father, He'll also go to the Cross and be crucified to take away the world's sins, and most importantly of all, He'll die for us willingly to take away our sins and when His Father told Him to. Who is this Man i'm talking about? Of course, it could be no other than Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I have depression these days... I don't know why but somehow it looks like i'm forcing myself to smile in the faces of my friends. I am not faking expressions or feelings. Yes, i feel genuinely happy when they are but somehow some emotion or matter of mine just stop me from smiling warmly from my heart. It is somehow soem private matter of my own? I am not really sure. Somehow, always, I always started dwelling on the topic of life itself. Not that i hate death or what...but just my own meaning of life. I have dreams, goals, ambitions any normal typical human have. But i think i lack something. That is why i still want to live on and accomplish my goals when all i can do is die and live under 6m of soil, away from the sinful lives of the world? When i got to this, I was so confused that probably i will feel like giving up and wander alone somewhere. Not everywhere in this world or my surroundings look as much welcoming than my bed at home.
Jade Ng Jing Li
2:39 PM
Update Entry
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sorry for not updating my blog for so loonnggg... Recently, i've been hooked (intentionally) on Stephanie Meyer's saga series. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I'm a bit retarded in the sense of scouting for good fantasy stories... to be honest =.=lll but this is the new year 2009 and as i say new, several different things changed for me this year too. Firstly, I have new cousins:) they are a couple of very angelic-like and cute children. Only that i can't talk to them yet. They are not yet in that stage, as you can guess when i say angels, only i did not say baby angels... Haha:x. Secondly, i have this baptism lessons i'm gonna take this year definitely:) Baptism comes with a lot of choices and decisions and a sound mind to follow Christ with a strong resolve. Ok, i know i'm boring people here too... I also have new aims for a new year everytime. Not like getting slim or trying out something sporty now. Or rather i would say, a bit more towards the academic side. I'll like to say that i want to work harder than slack like siao last year. That year, was the most craziest one cos i don't study serious, and therefore i end up studying feverishly thru out the few days before exam. Thanks to everyone who would at least come and read at my boring entries so far. You would've realized that i have written more last year than this. Partly because i have now lesser time on my hands, partly on my laziness... zzz
Jade Ng Jing Li
1:49 PM
Jing Li(Jade)
1. Always the Japan freak.
2.Wants a lot of things normal humans don't perceive.
3.The Extreme stubborn one.
4. The Porcupine-personality.
5. Lazy too. You should be amazed I've updated this blog at all..
My Wishlist
Vintage bag Go on Star Cruise Digital camera (canon) An apartment of my own A trip to China More hazelnut chocolates Laptop vaio (hot red) My own FREE life Learn drumming A year of holidays My own stable job Pure Science in 2009 have long hair(????) read more comics own a gucci bag(???) More savings
LOVES
a.Anime
b.Manga
c.Friends
d.Hazelnut ice cream
e.Computer
f.Japanese language
HATES
1.Cockroaches
2.Immature boys
3.Pocket money below $7
4.Computers with the speed of a grandmother
Vintage bag
Go on Star Cruise 
Learn drumming