Thursday, February 25, 2010
I am scared of a lot of things. People said i looked like i wasn't scared of anything. I am scared of things that is within the human level of understanding, but of course when i said scared, i do not mean of the mundane fear of lizards, cockroaches, flies, so on. I mean the mentality and spiritual fear. I am scared of my Dad's safety, when he is out driving his car to work in the morning and God knows whether he's safe. I am scared of my future. The blurry and uncertain road i see infront of me always changes whenever someone drops in more ideas of education advancement. I am scared of death. The feeling of pain and endless sleep is somehow incomprehensive to my brain. I fear sudden deaths too. It could be very sudden. I am scared of life. Living is horrible and painful. I struggle with myself and God, I have to live on with people i dislike in a forced environment. I have to struggle staying alive through the endless torture studies gave me. I am scared of people. I fear the ever-changing emotions humans have as humans. I fear their way og judging people, i fear their discrimination against my behaviour. I fear their mocking faces too. I am scared of losing myself. In this society, where standard of living in Singapore is high, i am scared of losing my host personality, when i get blinded by the worldly things that i admit, i still hold on to fondly. I am scared of being scared. The fear makes me feel small and weak, all the more afraid of stepping out of my conscious. Being scared, touchy, uncertain, makes me feel afraid of almost my surroundings. I am a scaredy-cat in some sense. All my confusion, fears and uncertainties i try to hide behind a mask of nonchalance and 'serenity'. But is it really fine like this? When all the people around me are panicking, moaning after each failure, i chose to remain silent even after mine. Is it okay for me to be like this?
Jade Ng Jing Li
3:45 PM
Jing Li(Jade)
1. Always the Japan freak.
2.Wants a lot of things normal humans don't perceive.
3.The Extreme stubborn one.
4. The Porcupine-personality.
5. Lazy too. You should be amazed I've updated this blog at all..
My Wishlist
Vintage bag Go on Star Cruise Digital camera (canon) An apartment of my own A trip to China More hazelnut chocolates Laptop vaio (hot red) My own FREE life Learn drumming A year of holidays My own stable job Pure Science in 2009 have long hair(????) read more comics own a gucci bag(???) More savings
LOVES
a.Anime
b.Manga
c.Friends
d.Hazelnut ice cream
e.Computer
f.Japanese language
HATES
1.Cockroaches
2.Immature boys
3.Pocket money below $7
4.Computers with the speed of a grandmother
Vintage bag
Go on Star Cruise 
Learn drumming